


Merry Self

by sugarblossom



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Anime)
Genre: Dialogue Heavy, Fluffish, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Newtwo still named as Mewtwo here, Probably ooc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:07:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28455813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sugarblossom/pseuds/sugarblossom
Summary: It's no surprise Ash couldn't sleep being back in Kalos, but at least he's not alone!
Relationships: Newtwo & Satoshi | Ash Ketchum, Satoshi | Ash Ketchum & Satoshi no Pikachu | Ash Ketchum's Pikachu
Comments: 6
Kudos: 42





	Merry Self

**Author's Note:**

> TW: mentions of self-deprecation and death (because Ash is Ash)

Whoosh!

Ash sat up on his bed, eyes wide. 

The soft gleam of moonlight streamed through the windows like glitter, further illuminated by the faint city lights. 

As Gou snored, Ash swung his legs to the edge of the bed. 

Pikachu’s ears twitched as he rubbed his eyes, scooching next to Ash with a questioning coo.

Running a hand down Pikachu’s fur, Ash gestured towards the window. 

Pikachu tilted his head, trotting over to a nearby chair and patting Ash’s coat. 

Ash chuckled, ushering Pikachu off the chair. He slipped into his coat before outside.

The moment they creaked the front door open, Pikachu shivered, scampering into Ash’s coat.

Poking Pikachu as his head popped out of his coat, Ash watched his breaths crystallize in the crisp darkness. 

A blur sped past them. 

Ash and Pikachu exchanged a glance. 

Silence entangled their souls as the stars clipped in and out of the clouds, like eyes glimmering under fairy lights. 

Pikachu shook his head as if clearing his mind, his eyes wide and alert. Ash put a hand on Pikachu’s head, watching wisps of clouds blossoming in the inky sky. 

Tickling Pikachu’s cheeks, Ash murmured, “You feel them too, huh buddy?” Narrowing his eyes, Pikachu stuck a paw out of Ash’s coat, pointing towards the snow-capped forest. 

Ash nodded, heading into a magical fairyland as the city dissipated behind them. 

The tufts of grass poking out of the fluffy snow flourished as Ash walked past them. 

“Fancy running into you here, Ash and Pikachu.”

Ash and Pikachu watched Mewtwo float into sight, both giving her a little wave. 

“We didn’t expect to see you either, Mewtwo!” Ash and Pikachu chirped. 

Mewtwo’s tail flicked back and forth as she descended in front of them, head tilted. 

Ash ran a hand through his hair, continuing, “Yeah, guess I slept enough. Would you mind keeping us company?” 

Pikachu stared up at Ash, ears flopping to the side. 

“Gladly.”

Brushing the dusting of snow off a tree stump, Ash plopped down, asking, “Any reason you’re here tonight?”

Mewtwo shifted, a hand glowing blue. “I can… feel my energy sync with this region.”

As Pikachu narrowed his eyes, Ash grinned. “That’s cool! I bet you’ve met a lot of new friends!”

“No one shares my experiences exactly.”

Ash nodded, eyes sparkling. “Understandable! But I still make friends-”

“Not everyone is like you, Ash,” Mewtwo said, tail drooping. 

Ash and Pikachu exchanged a glance. “Is something wrong?”

“No, I have myself. That’s enough.”

“What- You know you can always depend on your friends and family for support!”

“Do you say that to everyone?” Mewtwo crossed her arms, a hand clenching and unclenching. “Even good people who genuinely have no one on their side?”

Pikachu jolted as Ash stood up, eyes fiery like coals. “Who? I’ll go talk to them!”

Mewtwo paused, firmly saying, “You don’t know everyone in the world. You  _ can’t _ say you’re friends with everyone.” She glanced off, batting at her tail. “Besides, this lovely, what you humans call it, Christmas spirit? I’d rather depend on myself.”

“You don’t have to!”

“You can’t deny some people don’t have the best families.”

Pikachu’s ears drooped as Ash clenched his fists before sighing. “Yeah. I still consider my friends as family though.”

“Doesn’t erase the fact that some people are with their biological ones.”

“...It doesn’t. I really can’t relate, but I hope they realize it’s ok to feel what they do.” Ash hugged Pikachu closer, mumbling, “It must be so painful for them during the holidays. Even more impressive if they put up with all of it and still made it through.”

Mewtwo stayed silent.

“But Mewtwo, you do have friends.  _ We’re _ friends!” Ash exclaimed, taking a seat. Mewtwo smiled at the reminder, freezing when Ash continued, “Why the sudden change of heart?”

“I don’t need validation from others.”

“You don’t need a lot of things. But they’re nice! A lot of things in life are like that.” Pikachu chirped in agreement, paws patting Ash’s coat.

“ _ You’re  _ depending on validation from others too much.”

“Hey, are you saying my friends aren’t good enough?” Ash said with narrowed eyes. Pikachu chirped, patting Ash’s cheeks. 

Mewtwo shook her head, eyes scanning the forest and skyscrapers. “I’m  _ saying _ , you shouldn’t need others to support you.”

“And why is that?” Ash grumbled, one arm holding Pikachu closer.

“I already said. I have myself. It’s enough.”

“You should-”

“Don’t finish that.”

Ash raised an eyebrow, grinning. “Why? You also gave me advice just now. Oh poor Ash, what could he possibly know?” He put a fist to his chest. “I have my friends and family.  _ That’s  _ enough.” 

Pikachu chirped, nudging Ash’s hand for pets. 

Mewtwo stared as Ash scratched behind Pikachu’s ears. “I might never understand you.”

“I don’t understand you either, so can you at least explain-”

“I don’t have to.”

“...I guess you’re right. I have trouble being vulnerable too.”

Mewtwo tsked. “You think that’s the  _ only _ reason-” She shook her head, a smile gracing her face. “I don’t need friends in every region that badly. I’m at peace with myself.”

“Is that just an excuse?”

“Can you stop?”

“Only if you do.” Mewtwo fell silent. Ash huffed, “I don’t need you to tell me I ‘depend’ on my friends too much. I don’t even tell them anything!”

They all froze.

Pikachu burrowed closer to Ash, cooing at Mewtwo.

Ash watched his breath dissipate in the air, leaning back on the tree stump. “Yeah. They don’t understand what I’ve gone through, but they support me. I want that for you. Genuinely.” He flicked Pikachu’s ears before tapping his cheeks. “If you treat everyone as enemies they’re going to become enemies.”

“I know very well. I just want humans to leave me alone.”

“Do you want me to leave too?”

“...No.” 

Ash and Pikachu glanced over as Mewtwo continued, “But I don’t owe anyone here anything. Not my power, not my gratitude.”

“Not even your kindness?”

“You’re  _ too  _ kind.”

“The world owes you what you owe it, but I’m not going to stop owing others basic decency just because they or the world doesn’t. I don’t want to feed into that cycle of suffering where others suffer because I’m suffering, you know?” 

Pikachu’s ears perked up as Mewtwo subconsciously floated closer. 

Ash suddenly winced, squinting as he rubbed his temples. 

Mewtwo crept backwards.

“Are you ok-”

Ash laughed. “Don’t worry about it! I’m always like this around powerful psychic legendaries. Goes to prove how powerful  _ you _ are! You should be proud of that!”

Pikachu softly chirped, paws clinging to the edge of Ash’s coat. 

“...Do you always mask your trauma under kindness? And recklessness?”

Silence.

“You threw yourself between me and genesect-”

“I also ran between the genesects and other pokemon twice!” Ash beamed. Mewtwo tilted her head as Ash rambled, “Fighting for belonging. Then genesect almost died. It should have been me again- wait, again? Why did I say that?”

Pikachu and Mewtwo blinked, sharing a confused glance. 

“Can I… take a look? At your memories?”

Pikachu stiffened, only relaxing when Ash nodded. “Sure! I dunno what you’re gonna find, so good luck!”

Mewtwo sweatdropped. 

She stared into Ash’s eyes, letting the memories flash before hers. 

_ Storm clouds rolling. Clashes of pink and blue. Stone cold.  _

“Huh, that’s weird,” Mewtwo said.

“Me? Yeah I-”

“Not  _ you _ . Your memories of whatever you were experiencing are practically shattered. Has your mind been tampered with? By someone like me?”

Ash and Pikachu froze.

“Oh yeah, the other Mewtwo erased our memories of our first meeting! I wonder what happened?”

“I-” Mewtwo forced herself to still. “You don’t need to know.”

“Oh, alright!” Ash placed his hands behind his head. “I met up with the other Mewtwo again a while back. He’s pretty chill now, like you! Trust me, it was quite a surprise to meet you for the first time!”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Oh you could have just read my mind!” 

Mewtwo wrinkled her nose. “That's an invasion of privacy.”

Ash and Pikachu shared a genuine smile. “You two are similar of course, but your experiences are different. He had trouble with his identity, who he is and whether he belonged. You… didn’t.”

“...Because I had support,” Mewtwo admitted, tapping her fingers along her arms. “Does he have trouble with his purpose like I do?”

Tapping his chin, Ash hummed thoughtfully. “I’m pretty sure he  _ technically  _ had a purpose all his life, taking care of the clones and all-”

“What.”

Pikachu’s snicker led to a yawn. 

“Speaking of which, I thought you decided your purpose was protecting the innocent?”

Mewtwo stared up at the sky, eyes glimmering in the moonlight. “The world’s a big place. I felt like I could do  _ more _ . I am… not sure now.”

Ash placed his hands together, cheering, “You should meet the other Mewtwo then! You can teach each other a lot!”

“Uhh I don’t know if we would get along.”

“I didn’t start off being friends with anyone either, much less considering them to be my family!” Ash snickered, flicking Pikachu’s forehead as Pikachu sank into Ash’s coat. “You know, I wonder if he could mega evolve like you?” He watched Mewtwo dart back and forth in the air, her eyes staring at the ground. “Then again, you’re more of a wild pokemon than he ever was-”

“It would be nice to have someone relate to, but… people might not accept it.”

Awkwardly laughing, Ash shrugged. “That’s the difference between you two. I feel like the other Mewtwo lashed out at the world and just wanted to erase his suffering, but you don’t want others to suffer like you did.”

Mewtwo zoomed in front of Ash. “How do you know I suffered?”

“Because it still affects you.” Ash hugged himself and by extension Pikachu, flushing in embarrassment as he said, “I hope eventually, your past wouldn’t hinder your life too much, or at all.”

“...Kind of hard to do that considering everyone’s reactions.”

Ash nudged at the snow with his feet, tracing shapes on Pikachu’s fur. “Oh. Yeah. Do you want to talk about it?”

Mewtwo twirled in place, settling down next to them. “I know I belong in this world, but the pokemon and people here…” She murmured, “This is supposed to be home?”

“Home is what you define it, not where you’re from.”

“Still, everyone was scared of me. Like I’m the villain. How could I say everyone is my friend when it isn’t true? How could anyone?”

Ash and Pikachu exchanged a knowing glance.

“...Honestly, I don’t blame them.”

Mewtwo snapped her head up to stare at Ash. “Are you siding with them-”

“They have a right to be scared, just as you have a right to be better supported.” Ash trailed a finger down his coat before picking at a stray thread. Pikachu stayed silent. “I don’t blame either you or… Kalos.”

“You know the feeling of loneliness too.” It wasn’t a question.

Ash grinned. “I wasn’t even alone! But focusing back on you, you said Kalos was your… birthplace?”

“You could say that. Considering you recognized me, I’m guessing my creators used the other Mewtwo’s plans to… make me even more of a weapon. Makes me wonder why there was a need for more DNA? Maybe his plans were incomplete? If so, where did  _ his  _ human DNA come from-”

“What.”

Mewtwo paused. “It’s why I can… mega evolve?”

“Oh, you have a strong bond with yourself! No wonder you don’t need a mega stone or key stone!” Ash and Pikachu’s eyes sparkled in unison. 

“I see you have experience,” Mewtwo said, watching the tree stump glow with anticipation. “Anyways, I wonder if we’re created from the same Mew?”

“I think not? And I know for a fact there can be multiple legendaries of the same species.” He froze as the Tree of Beginning flashed in his mind. “...You could use aura sphere, no?”

“Yes? My creators thought it was… useful. My defense might be bad, but I can take more damage because of my aura.” Mewtwo rapidly blinked, swallowing as she glanced off.

Pikachu chirped to Mewtwo, swatting a paw. 

“They made you feel like a monster. Like you’re weak. Like there’s no hope.” Ash and Pikachu both fell silent, their eyes dark. “But you still managed to make your own path.” Ash smiled, reaching a hand out to Mewtwo. “I’m glad you’re here now.”

“You’re the type of person to forgive even someone who tortured you, huh?” Before Ash or Pikachu could respond, Mewtwo snarled, “Well I’m not.”

“Mm, forgiveness might help some people, but… you’ve fought hard in accepting that some people don’t deserve it. I’m proud of you.”

“I thought you were against spreading more hate.”

“Maybe, but you’re under no obligation to just ignore what they did to you and say it’s ok when it’s not. You can’t compare your reason for hatred with theirs.” Ash grinned, slightly rocking to lull Pikachu to sleep. “You know this is the best option for you, and I support it 100%.”

“Oh-kay. Yeah, people tried to capture me, I ended up where we first met.”

Ash tilted his head. “Did you sense the Genesects?”

“Possibly. They were created by Team Plasma not Flare though.”

“Yeah I’ve met up with both. Plasma mind-controlled Pikachu to electrocute me until I went unconscious, and Flare tried to mind-control me and Greninja to use our power!” Ash said in a jokey tone, absentmindedly rubbing his wrists while ignoring Pikachu’s wide eyes. “I think I screamed both times, but I don’t really remember!”

“What.”

“What?” Ash grinned, patting Pikachu like an alarm clock to get him to stop fussing. “Anyways, now you’re trying to figure out your purpose?”

Mewtwo paused. “Yeah you’re always so trustful and caring of others, you seem so sure about your goals-”

“I think the journey matters more than the destination! Lots of my friends discovered their passions as they experienced more things, and you’ve got loads of time! You don’t need to have everything figured out!”

Silent, Mewtwo clenched her fists. Pikachu chirped to Ash, falling silent as he shook his head. 

Ash randomly gestured, saying, “Maybe you don’t have a definitive purpose in life now, but you can definitely do things you enjoy, things that are important to you! Things that you’re willing to be vulnerable for!”

“...I don’t know.”

“That’s ok! If you don’t have big goals, work on small ones! When I’m overwhelmed with trying to save the whole world, I try to focus on making little differences like saving a single person or pokemon, because it always means a big difference for them!”

“Is that person ever you?”

Ash blinked. “Why? Anyways, maybe there’s no purpose in life because everything is temporary! We all try to make the best of existence because while impermanence doesn’t mean insignificance, all of our end goals are death! If nothing truly matters in life, you might as well do what matters to you!” He stood up, reaching for the sky before cradling Pikachu through his coat. “The universe is an  _ experience _ .” Mewtwo stared at Ash as he said, “Oh, at the same point, if we all die tomorrow, is there anything you want to finish and resolve today?”

Mewtwo deadpanned. “I can’t tell if you care about your life or not.”

Pikachu sweatdropped.

“I’m not special in this! Why should I care about our future and decline when I’m supposed to embody both? I mean, even death couldn’t stop me,” Ash half-joked before grinning at the sky, leaning back on the tree stump. “Wow, you wouldn’t have expected I’d come so far, right? Me neither. I’m so used to death yet I’m traumatized nevertheless!”

Ears drooping, Pikachu nuzzled Ash’s hair. 

“So you don’t blame Kalos for being wary, but you blame yourself for not having gotten over it.”

“Yep!” Ash chirped. Pikachu hid his face under Ash’s coat, muffling his scream. 

“You should own your life story, refuse to let people in society dictate how you feel about yourself-”

“Ok! Only I can dictate how horrible I feel about myself, and no one can change that!”

Pikachu poked his head out, squeaking at them both. 

“No-” Mewtwo took a deep breath, dragging a hand down her face. “Just, how much of your happiness is forced?”

Ash’s grin didn’t even falter. “Not all of it!”

“Do you… want to talk about anything? It’s only fair.”

“Nah. Don’t worry about me, I’m used to it!” Ash snickered, squishing Pikachu’s cheeks. “I know I’m not perfect, but my friends will always be there for me if I need them!”

“But have you accepted your imperfection?”

Ash and Pikachu blinked. “Huh?”

“I’ve come to terms with my flaws and I’m trying to improve what I can and come to terms with things out of my control. Improve my limits and all-”

“You have limits?” 

Mewtwo side-eyed Ash. “I still can’t fly out into space for long, but that’s not the point-”

“Whoa, I  _ can’t  _ do that! Goes to show how powerful you are!” Ash redirected. Pikachu facepawed.

Mewtwo placed her hands together, asking through a deep exhale, “Bad experience with space?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, I only suffocated and froze once!” Ash crossed his arms, pouting when Pikachu slapped a paw in his face. “I couldn’t handle it.”

“...I don’t think any human could. Why do you hold yourself to that standard?”

“My trauma!” Ash said, finger gunning. The night jabbed at Ash’s face, causing him to laugh.

Pikachu stared at Mewtwo, ears drooped. 

“If you want to tell me anything…” Mewtwo trailed off, gesturing for Ash to go ahead. 

Ash watched the night sky through the shivering forest canopy, drawing circles on Pikachu’s head with a finger.

“I got a paper cut the other day, it was a  _ disaster _ . No wonder I can never focus enough to read, I would worry my friends too much! Man, my friends are so awesome-”

Mewtwo tilted her head. “Why do you do that?”

“What?”

“Dismissing your trauma through… kindness.”

Ash shrugged. “I guess I just… subconsciously want to validate the more important problems. I know, don’t compare, all problems are valid, yada yada, but I feel like more people would open up knowing I’m worrying over such small problems.”

Pikachu side-eyed Ash.

Mewtwo stayed silent. 

With an awkward laugh, Ash said, “Like, if I tell everyone about my past, they might be too intimidated to say their problems, and I don’t want that! So I just…”

“Don’t tell anyone? That’s not healthy.”

“...I know.”

“And you’re not standing against the mental illness stigma-”

“Yeah because it’s my job to remove the stigma as well. Because if I don’t do that, I’m failing at life!” 

Pikachu glanced off, sputtering.

“Ash, no.”

Ash shook his head. “No, I’m really sorry. Stigma is a horrible thing, and people really are brave for talking about their mental illnesses.” 

He fell silent.

Tail brushing against the snow, Mewtwo glanced off. “I do want you to share your story, but you can fight stigma by not having stigma for yourself too. I hope you’re proud of your progress and effort, even if no one sees it.  _ Especially _ if no one sees.”

“Wow, you’re so… honestly  _ you _ . That’s amazing!” Ash cheered, arms pumping up and down, laughing when Pikachu nearly fell out of his coat.

“I’m not putting the needs of others above my wants, I’m putting my needs above other people’s wants.” Mewtwo shrugged. “I’m not sacrificing myself for other people’s happiness.”

“You still need to compromise on your relationships-”

“But I’m not changing who I am to be someone else’s idea of a worthwhile person or pokemon.”

“What if you only have their idea to go off of?” There was a pause. Clouds bloomed from Ash’s breath. “What if you care so much for others that you don’t care for yourself?”

“...Then I sincerely hope you’ll one day believe the fact you’re already worthwhile enough to be cared for.”

Pikachu stared at Mewtwo before eagerly chirping up at Ash. 

Ash glanced over, stifling a laugh. “Never give up until it’s over. That’s what I always said. Just fake it until you make it because you don’t lose the battle unless you stop fighting, right?”

“Yeah that’ll work for some things. Not always. Especially if you’re forcing yourself to be more miserable.” Mewtwo’s tail twirled. “Everyone’s battles are different, so focus on your own. Besides, losing a few battles doesn’t mean you lose the war.”

Ash opened his mouth, shutting it with a click. Pikachu also stayed silent. 

“Is something wrong?” Mewtwo asked, watching Ash stare at his hands. 

“...Have you ever felt like, you were supposed to be born special but you’re not?”

“Of course. I don’t personally see that as a bad thing though. I might be a weapon created by humans to be one of a kind- well, two of a kind? But it’s a reassurance I belong.”

Ash smiled, hands together as if clapping. “I’m happy for you!” He slid a hand across the tree stump, tracing the tree rings. “For me, it just makes me feel the need to be special, to live up to standards. I was just a kid with the right name at the right time, never feeling I’m doing enough and always feeling emotionally drained from doing too much. Even though I chose to be a ‘hero’, it wasn’t really a choice.” Pause. “Sorry to dump all of that.”

“It’s alright, you don’t have to apologize.” Mewtwo tilted her head. “I don’t mean to be rude, but you  _ are  _ still a child. You deserve to feel safe and comforted.”

“I’m not special in this either-”

“True, but your experiences are still important. Apart from being a ‘hero’, are you proud of your achievements-”

“Nope!” Ash grinned. “Enough people attribute my achievements to me being special! By enough people I mean me!”

Pikachu grumbled. 

“But you-” Mewtwo paused. “Huh.”

“Yeah I dunno either! If I succeed-”  _ You have to do so, there’s no value in success. You’re so selfish. You’re still not doing enough.  _ **_Arrogant_ ** _. _ “If I don’t-”  _ It’s all your fault. You’re a stupid excuse for a hero. You’ve let everyone down.  _ **_Arrogant_ ** . 

Ash shook his head, running a hand down his face as he continued, “I don’t know. I don’t feel proud of myself, so I keep trying to be the hero, and then I don’t feel proud of my accomplishments and feel worse about it because I either don’t get praise or don’t feel like I deserve the praise or… and I’m  _ still _ aiming for the top, like- I don’t even  _ know _ if that’ll help, I just- I really don’t know, I don’t get myself.” He sighed, covering a yawn.

As Pikachu involuntarily yawned as well, Ash jokingly poked Pikachu’s nose. 

“Life isn’t here to make sense, it’s here to be lived. And ironically, your main competitor is yourself. Whether that competitor is supportive or not, well…”

“Yeah, I just need to make a move and see where that takes me! There’s nothing I could do that’d be pointless! I’m not myself if I’m not bouncing back from a loss quickly, because I’m always so happy and determined!”

Mewtwo winced. “Did you take the time to feel that loss-”

“I was taking too long! Not only I thought that!”

“Why do I get the feeling you’re talking about more than just a battle.”

Ash’s smile wavered as Pikachu awkwardly laughed. “I acted out of character, I hurt my friends, I still haven’t moved on! And you can’t say it’s ok!” He rolled his wrist, grinning even wider. “It’s a  _ joke _ someone as bad as me is supposed to be the hero.”

Pikachu swatted Ash’s face with his tail before curling up again. 

“Being good is a choice. Doing something bad doesn’t make you bad as long as you resolve it. Besides, bad people don’t care about being better. You do.”

“Well, I’ve tricked one more person, great!” Ash chirped, sweatdropping when Pikachu became even more determined chirping at him.

Mewtwo watched Pikachu dart in and out of Ash’s coat, saying, “You  _ choose _ to be kind because you know the world isn’t, because you want to recover and help others!”

“Yeah, not because it’s my only desirable trait of course!”

“What.”

“What?”

“...Do you love yourself?” Mewtwo blurted. 

Ash tapped his cheek, wrestling Pikachu off his face. “That’s kinda selfish, don’t you think?”

“ _ No it’s not!  _ Just like acknowledging your accomplishments. Please give yourself credit where credit is due.”

Twiddling his thumbs, Ash wordlessly hummed.

Pikachu scowled, burrowing himself in Ash’s coat with cheeks puffed out. 

Mewtwo murmured, “You spend your entire life in your own company. Be your own best friend, ok? Hold your own hand during tough times, remain on your own side. Others can believe in you, but I hope you will believe in yourself most because I want you to be ok with being yourself.”

“Life treated you badly so you’re getting revenge by living your life well, huh? I’m not perfect-”

“Would you critique nature for not being perfect? Are the oceans too vast? Are the trees too tall? You deserve to exist whether you’re ‘perfect’ or not. It's enough to just…  _ be _ .” Mewtwo gestured to the sky. “You can strive for greater things, but you deserve a place here even if you’re not extraordinary. That’s what makes you extraordinary.”

“I’m not extraordinary though. You can’t convince me otherwise,” Ash said, the wind tossing his hair like Pikachu is. 

“Then I hope you eventually value yourself as the world, see both as special, whether others agree or not. Maybe you don’t love your body, but you can’t deny it’s functional.”

“Huh?”

Mewtwo smiled. “Your body holds all your blood and organs in place. Your brain has come up with so many cool ideas. Your hands have petted so many pokemon. Your legs have taken you so far. Regardless of how you feel about yourself, you deserve to be respected. You don’t need to love yourself to acknowledge your body exists and has needs to fulfill. Just like… Pikachu. Treat yourself like Pikachu.”

Ash hugged Pikachu, both of them silent. 

As she stared up at the sky, Mewtwo continued, “Maybe instead of always improving yourself to look ‘loveable,’ you accept your body as it is so you feel comfortable being yourself. Maybe you accept that no one is unloveable and you can be beautiful for yourself. Maybe you accept that beauty doesn’t affect your self worth and work on normalizing your ‘flaws’ and allow yourself to grow. People go about it in different ways, and it’s up to you to choose your path!”

“I’m glad  _ you _ were strong enough to do so.”

“And you aren’t? You, who picked yourself up when you were at rock bottom? Who made it through the worst darknesses of your life? Who held yourself together and carried on? Time and time again, you stayed. You handled yourself at your worst, and I think that’s very strong of you.”

“I  _ don’t  _ know how to handle myself, Mewtwo. I can’t even take care of myself that well.”

Pikachu chirped, nuzzling Ash’s cheek before diving back under the blanket of warmth. 

“You can be proud of  _ trying  _ to take care of yourself even when your own body tries to deter it. It’s ok if you aren’t perfect. Doing what you can at the moment is good enough because while not everything worth doing is easy, everything worth doing is worth doing it imperfectly.”

Ash stared at Mewtwo. “One step at a time, huh?”

“Yeah, every time you do something, you get a little more used to it, be it good or bad. So every step along the way to recovery is an accomplishment because setbacks aren’t going to affect you as much!”

After kicking at the snow, Ash mumbled, “Are you gonna say it takes time to process and adjust to changes so I should be patient with myself?”

Mewtwo shrugged, smiling. “You have things to unlearn, new things to learn, wounds to heal, but you are always worthwhile. I hope you get to know yourself and further learn who you are past your mental illnesses. I hope while you recover, you won’t miss your discomfort enough that you go back, because no matter how much has changed… you’re still undeniably you.”

Ash sighed, sporting a soft smile as Pikachu vibrated in place with wide eyes. “Thanks. You know, it’s a reassurance that even though tomorrow might not be easy, it won’t be today.”

“Yeah, you never have to do yesterday again.”

Blinking, Ash and Pikachu squinted as the first streak of sunlight carved across the snow, causing the forest to glimmer.

“Wow. We better get back before anyone worries about us.” He stood up, stretching side to side before bowing to Mewtwo, grinning when Pikachu accidentally tumbled out of his coat. “Thank you for keeping us company! Good luck and take care of yourself, Mewtwo!”

“You too, Ash. Both of you.”

Ash raced off, Pikachu chasing after him while yelling. 

The snow crunched under their steps, creating a new path on the blank sheet of life.

Mewtwo watched as a sprout sprung to life on the tree stump. 

She smiled before zooming off once again. 

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by InfamousPlayer!
> 
> How’s it going everyone? I hope well, if not alright, but I understand if you’re feeling otherwise! I still can’t believe 2020 is about to be over, so a big shout out to everyone who has endured this year! I know it hasn't been easy, so congratulations for making it through this crazy year! If you made it this far, you didn’t waste your year. Look at you go! :D   
> On a more serious note, maybe next year will be better, maybe worse, but I hope you try to stick around for the possibility of better days! Because you deserve it! I understand if you’re miserable about the new year, and you shouldn’t have to pretend everything’s alright and “anew” if it isn’t, but I hope you’re at least curious about the future! See you next year!


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